Overcoming Fear!

Sometimes you force yourself to write something, sometime you write automatically as your emotions flow, this is such a moment, where my emotions are out of my control!Pardon me for that.
I have had a privileged child hood which many would envy. I have great parents who have shaped my Everything right from my character to my dress. They have supported me in each and every instant, they were so careful such that i do not see any failure nor heart break.... Coming to rescue each and every moment i raised some alarm, from smaller things like Shaving blade to larger things like Internships. Such privileged upbringing has resulted in a weak soul devoid of any strength to face the real world!
I have always bean an idealist aspiring and aiming at higher things... Somethings that would look extra ordinary and different...I always wanted to be above my peers.. With my parents backing I believed Life was a cake walk.My biggest worries were like " How much mark would i score in this test".....Nothing else worried me as i was completely insulated.
But now when I am 22 Yrs old, and being away from my parents. I realise how weak I am... Afraid of each and everything.Afraid to face the world boldly, Afraid of failure...Afraid of shame... Afraid of peers.. Afraid of teachers... Afraid of friends..Afraid of strangers.. Afraid of competition... Afraid of Love... Afraid of emotions... Afraid of LIFE....The life i thought was never like this, I thought the life is just a simple mathematical function where if u give the right input ( hardwork etc) you will get the appropriate reward. But I am realising that Life is a function that has multiple inputs and very complex... Realising how naive I am and I have been.
Today being a holiday after a long time I wanted to self introspect myself, as i had face continuous failures for the past few days and i was terribly upset I wanted to get over those feelings. I walked up a mountain in shillong into the woods, where there was no one. Sat on a rock and drank a sprite. Started thinking... Why am i upset? Failures.. Why failures? Dont know... What is a failure? Failing to achieve whatever I desire..What is a desire? Something i aspire for!, Why do I aspire? My mind wants it.. Why does my mind want it? To satisfy itself... Yes to satisfy the so called EGO!!!... When I was just introspecting I found that some one was walking near me chattering some thing in Khasi... I got up and ran as fast as i can... I ran for around a KM. I was panting then I asked myself what happened?? Why did i run? I was AFRAID!...Why was i afraid? I feared that he may scold me.. and tell something.. Yes I was afraid of Shame, I was afraid that he would hate my EGO( which has shaped itself as a bright young guy). Then I started recollecting all fears of mine.. Why was I shivering before GD today morning? Why was i afraid to face my friends/peers today morning after the failure? Why was i afraid to talk to some one? What made me shut myself in my room away from people reading books after consecutive failures??? Yes !!!, its all Ego... I realised that Ego ( the self image of bright young student with everything) fails to accept the reality and goes into all sorts of escapism. I realised this is the reason why people often get into bad habits to escape from the reality of failure and hurting one's ego(self image). So what should i do now?? There came a small 3 year old... he was talking to me something in Khasi ,something like kamasirakatha?(who knows what he says) I just replied samatapatha... we had such a talk for sometime(for about 15 mins) without understanding each other.. I felt very happy...How did i become so happy? I was happy for doing something that was childish!, Because i had no ego when i talked to the 3 year old, I became a 3 yr old.. I just had fun....it was exciting... Ha! finally I smiled on realising the truth and finding the real culprit" The Ego"!!! the smile i had continues still while I am writing this blog..
Life is seriously fun when you think you have nothing , you are nobody and you are just a creature on Earth !!!!! You become so childish and happy that you dont even care what others think of you!

Be Selfish...Create things!

After a long time I watched a brilliant movie titled "Angadi theru"( The street of shops), there was something in the movie that made me think!. The story is primarily about the hardships faced by sales men in Garments/ready made shops. Its not the hardship they face selling the goods to the consumers but rather the ill treatment they face in the hands of the employers.No proper food, sanitation,Oh my god! I wasnt able to watch those!it was very terrible!, it was very troubling......I started wondering,Why did the Creator(God) give so much suffering to these people? I just started imagining myself in their position..... If i am in such a position, where I have to sleep in streets,eat some left overs,No No what is this life??? Who should be blamed for this? the Government?( Most people blame the government)Yes may be to some extent,but this Government has been created by people...., Is it the law of nature(darwinism)? where the fittest only survives while all others perish? Could be....I dont know.....,But how can we overcome this problem( what people call the inequity), Communism??? No No No there is no clear proof that communism improved equity,Any other Ideology??? Nooo not at all...,so how about donations by foundation? ha ha ha.... thats the biggest sham, Its just a show off.....So whats the solution??? I was just pondering upon.......I posted this message on the Facebook with an end note saying " We have to do something to solve this problem", I left as one of my friends who is working in one of the biggest software firms called me up....,He said " whats this job...I am just copy ,pasting codes...I am doing the work of a Class X person for which i am paid so much....,after the phone call I returned back to my Lappy ,just pinged one of my long time friends who was a pass out from IIM C, he is an I-Banker,earning in lakhs,but still he was un happy.... I wondered why are these people Un happy??? Both are well paid!,Both earn in lakhs with families well settled....,Yea could be because of they havent found the passion,but my IIMC friend was very passionate about Finance...,so why? when is the person happy? when was he happy as a kid? When he assembled a puzzle? when he assembled a building block? Yes when he created something!!!!so why are they unhappy now?Because they have not used the fullest of their potential to create things...., So the old problem propped up on my head, how can the issue of inequity or poverty be solved?? When will this Maoist attacks,robbery ,murders end??? Can we overcome darwinism??? Yes! ,When the people I talked to,including me, work to the fullest of our potential, use our education, create things that will have the biggest social impact... It need not be a charitable one,or outrightly social,but some creation that will impact the life of the people,It could range from creation like Windows,Iphone to an ordinary light bulb!,Yes!, the problems of people that angadi theru talks about gives us so much opportunity for innovation ( CKPrahlad). It could be something like Grameen phone or Grameen Bank or even a small new water heater that is new and could impact the life of few people....This is what brings happiness into your life...Money will come automatically in crores once u create things...The happiness and beauty of creation is immeasurable,thats why u can see all Gods always happy!!!. So i returned back to FaceBook to see the comments that has been posted for my status,only one ,it asked me" wat v will do,Will you take the lead??" , I smiled , I wont lead you,I am selfish,I want a happy life,I will create my own.. to earn my own happiness... If you want a happy succesful life you should lead yourself to create something, if you want some one to lead that clearly shows that You are not selfish and you dont live your life but some one else's!!!!! Be Selfish Create Things........

Love and Creation

I was back to my home after my internship at Hyderabad. I landed at Coimbatore, after the scare of AI strike, and she came all the way from Madurai(350kms) to pick me up.She had been waiting at the airport for 2 hours.When I just walked out of my Airport, she was standing at the entrance with the big wide smile.She showed no remorse for waiting in the airport for 2 hours nor for travelling the arduous 350kms,but rather she was full of happiness.We walked into the car, I slept in her lap and we had a great chat all along the way till Madurai. When we reached home, he was waiting at the gate expecting our arrival. I stepped down and exchanged thousands of words through my eyes with him.He is the only person in the world who can understand me better than her.He is my best friend,my guide and my role model.From that instant, I have been experiencing love in its purest form.Love that no one can describe! Why do they love me so much? Why do they live for me? Why do they sacrifice their life for me? Obviously my brain comes out with the answer "Because you are their only son", so why do they love their son? because I am their creation!. So does creation foster love? Yes may be!, I am sure Steve Jobs loves the word apple more now, and Sergey loves 10^100 more now, why? because it is their creation.Their creation has close links with these words!. So how to foster this creation?( the question the entire Business community asks), I started thinking,I came back to my case again,how was i created?? Yes! its love,love between my mom and dad created me!, So?? "Love fosters creation and creation fosters love",its a chain reaction!. Sachin's love for cricket made him create so many world records,which in turn has increased his love for the Game. ARR's love for music made him create brilliant pieces of music which in turn has increased his love for music. So here arose a question to me, If love fosters creation, Would people create something if they fall in love with a girl/boy.( apart from the obvious one :)). Yes!,they will !, Pierre Omdiyar and his creation e-bay( he started it to help his lover trade Pez candy dispensers) is the best example.
So lets start falling in love with something and make this world a better place to live!.

PS: Written with little love so apologies for the rusty creation

The danger of reading history!!!!

Yes!!!, I am back to blogging , Like any other human , I too got bored of these philosophical stuffs. So whenever I planned to write some thing I felt it was substandard to be written here. However I felt today if i don't rekindle my passion for blogging I will lose my interest completely. So when I was thinking what to write,nothing sprang out of my mind as it usually does. I found it disgusting. I started thinking, why is this happening?? Has my 2 terms of IIM education(what people call a prestige) destroyed my creativity? Yes could be!!!, I have been much into philosophy for the past two terms, reading and discussing a lot of stuffs, but why am I blank?,no thoughts !!!,nothing!!!. So does education destroy creativity?? , and when i started thinking more deeply , why do people get educated? the answer that sprang up in my mind was 1. Money,Power&Prestige 2. Passion and building one's intellect. So how do people educate? Reading books and listening to lectures - In a nutshell by reading history of different subjects. Yes !!! we read history of different subjects to contribute to its history. But is the history true? No!!!,not certain, is there a particle called electron? could be or could not be, its just the interpretation of JJ Thompson, he was influenced by the history of Physics (people before him like J .Dalton) that made him discover electron and gain acceptance. The same applies to every field. Each of the greatly revered inventions are still hanging upon thousands of assumptions which has been loosely propagated by the hegemonic classes. So now why education? Yes Education is to learn the rules of these hegemonic classes, so say after learning the rules that these hegemonic classes have created a person X could add his own point to the history of the subject created by hegemonic classes and that person X would receive the Nobel/Abel/Fields medal created by these Hegemonic classes. Can Science progress like this??? No never. This is how our entire education system functions, In the name of fundamentals right from the school all human are conditioned to certain thoughts as per the societal demands. This creates a constraint in their thinking. Kids are given no marks if they write something other than that taught to them. People tend to forget there is no right or wrong , there are only interpretations!!!. So what now? what should be done? Thinking.......( lol,thats my next Business plan) . So coming back what has my IIM education taught me? yes it has taught me that this sort of thinking I have done now is called as post modernism!!!!

Are Emotions so powerful?

I have been an emotionless nerd for the past 20 years , First time in my life I have been over whelmed with Emotions. Tomorrow is the last working day of my college life...., my heart trembles , the last class in TCE which i would be attending . I would miss my great friends ,teachers and the safe world of TCE in a day. Oh God!!! , is this life? why cant there be a life with out any change? Is it the change that causes such emotions? Changes occur everyday then why doesnt it cause emotions? Just like smaller tectonics shifts add to a large earth quake, these smaller changes when they add up during a period of time and bring about a larger change , yes , it causes a Mind quake which results in spontaneous overflow of Emotions . So whats the effect of Mind quake? it breaks the emotional bonds that we have built . Sorry for boring u so much , this is what i felt today when i started analysing emotions. This incident really made me think about death. What happens when we die? We lose everything , we lose all bonds, we reach the ground zero. We can be even Bill gates or Albert Einstein , but death is eventual . So whats the use of money and fame we earn? many people say that money and fame makes the world remember us, after we die. But whats the use, the world remembers us after our death? we have no emotions , no feelings after death , so why should we worry about the world?. I am not able to find the answer!!! , there is not a single rational answer that satisfies me. Life is just an illusion , an experience which is short lived. Lets not be guilty nor proud of what we have done , Lets not praise or belittle any one , because these are all just experiences and illusions , not the reality . Lets also not live a life that is stereo typical , say x and y has a child z , they want z to learn well and succeed , z starts earning marries a beautiful woman A they have a child B and this process continues!!! , Is this life? Lets seek to live differently , there is no wrong in being a Osama bin laden , prabaharan or even Hitler , because its our life and we can choose what ever different experiences we want . Lets live life to the fullest and have different experiences that no one else had, thats the real essence of life .....
NOTE : Sorry for this worst post, it was written when i was overwhelmed woth emotions.

Ensuing Violence proves Darwin's postulates

WAR in Afghanistan, in Iraq,in Palestine, Civil Wars in many African nations ,Conflicts in Kashmir ,Srilanka,Checyna and pakistan, So what does this all mean? Manking is becoming decadent(Detoriating)? No! ,they are maturing . Yes, Mankind has started to grow and they have matured. Surprised? Let me prove my point with Charles Darwin's theory of evolution . According to Charles Darwin as a species matures on earth,it naturally plunders the natural resources that suits its needs . This on ensuing for a few hundred years naturally leads to competition and atlast the SURVIVAL OF THE FITTEST. Thats what is happening to man kind . Th population continues to grow exponentially while Antropophilic resources( Subset of Natural resources , I presume you understand the meaning) continues to decay exponentially. So this normally leads tocompetition among people ( VIOLENCE) and thus only the fittest survive. So whatever may be the war , and whereever it may take place the cause may directly or indirectly point to competition for natural resources. Thus consumerism and population growth is the main cause for all wars across the Earth . So rather than supporting peace missions ,( the word peace itself is an illusion) and having awards such as Nobel prize for peace, the best method to tackle the ongoing crisis is to curtail the excessive consumerism and population growth . In the above context of war many people call nations,persons etc as bad,evil . This really made me think the definition of a bad/evil deed. As per Indian Penal Code the deadliest act ( most evil deed) is killing a life . But you should all be aware that that each one of us kill thousands of small organisms (insects,microbes) and lives everyday day . Theres fundamentally no difference between the life of a mosquito and human, both cannot be brought back, so why this prejudices that human life is bigger. So lets understand that a murder convict isnt a bad person he is as bad as we. He is just participating in the competition to survive that every one of us do . And also note that in a few decades killing another human would become an everyday affair if the consumerism and population grows exponentially because this would take the competition to final phase . So lets understand that there is no polarisation( good and evil) on earth as all religion propogates ( Religion and gods just a creation of man to maintain his society and to satisfy his natural selfish desires) but only neutralisation . The creator(called as god by people ,i call it a scientific force) has preffered equilbrium , and lets understand that there is no good or evil deed, if a deed is good all deeds are good, if its evil all deeds are evil. Dont ever be guilty of any act.

Parochialism,Jingoism,Fanaticism....Let these 'ism's go awry....

It was the morning of 27/11/08 , North east monsoon was at its peak .....,my mom who was so obsessed with the hurricane nisha switched on the television , rather than the news about the hurricane making the headlines , the head lines read 'WAR ON MUMBAI', she was utterly shocked.I slowly got downstairs and had a look on the television . I wasn't feeling even a slightest tinge of surprise , after watching so much terror attacks in a year,this one didn't affect me. However when i came back from college i realised that enormity of the attack and the magnitude of the disaster . I was awe struck by the skill of the terrorists ( Although i had a strong hatred towards them) . I slowly made my way to my study and got engrossed in some deep thinking. My apathy for these Islamic terrorists started growing and at a particular point I begin to wonder about the cause for such a tremendous spur in islamic terrorism.....Remember these Islamic fidayeens are also humans , they are also sympathetic to fellow humans , yes ,their sympathy towards their own people( Islamic community) has resulted in this parochialistic( narrow minded) Jingoism( Nationalism) ......., the irony is that we Indians are highly jingoistic then these fidayeens , We get angry and organise massive protest even for a slightest of anti India sentiments ,say ' a Harbhajan symonds issue' or ' GW Bush calling Indains,gluttons' or 'say an open minded Advani calling MAJinnah a legend' arent we higly jingoistic? Isnt Raj thackeray highly jingoistic than these islamic fidayeens? yes he is ...., he organises massive protests when there is not even a slightest evidence of marginalisation of marathis.... But look at these fidayeens ..... when their whole community has been killed,raped and murdered , by the Indian genocide in kashmir and the US genocide in Afghanisthan ,Iraq, why can't they be jingoistic? Dont think i am symphatising with the Islamic fidayeens ,but this is the other side of the coin most people fail to see... , Remember the number of innocent Islamic civilians killed in Iraq,Afghanisthan will far outnumber the number of innocent civilians killed in these terrorist attacks. Islam is a little rigid religion and it doesnt possess the flexibility of Hinduism and Christianity to adapt so quickly to modern changes . But when these changes are forced upon the people of Islamic origin by the non islamic states in the pretext of enforcing modernity , and when they fail to respond , there arises tension and friction which ultimately leads to destruction.. Remember there was no case of Islamic terrorism until US started meddling with Afghanistan ( led to the birth of Al Queda) and India started meddling with Kashmir.So the meddling of a state by another through parochialistic jingoism should be stopped... Let them be independent ,let them lead their own life however it may be.... so the main thing that has to be done to eradicate terrorism is to STOP the 'GLOBAL WAR ON TERROR' ,rather than fighting with the terrorists, lets engage them ,lets allow them to live with freedom , Lets not interfere in their culture and practises, afterall they are also humans ,their lives are also as valuable as ours....So lets not say' Jai Hind' Lets say 'Jai Universe'...Lets not be even jingoistic about our earth.............